The Difference Between “Perfect” And “Perfect For Me” ~ Self-Wisdom Newsletter ~ issue 3
~ A LIFE THAT FINALLY FITS ~
The Difference Between “Perfect” And “Perfect For Me”
The first two definitions of perfect in the Oxford Dictionary are:
- having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be; highly suitable for someone or something
- free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality
Is it possible to have the first definition without having the second definition being involved? Well—yes, it’s not difficult to see that the second definition is not needed to support the first. So what is the difference between a perfect life and a perfect for me life? The latter is actually attainable. Why? Because as a human, being free from any flaw or defect in condition or quality is not possible. But, experiencing a life having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be; and highly suitable for someone is entirely possible.
Once you realize that you can have a perfect for you life, you can make it a point to get one by learning what makes your core self happiest. By far the most effective place to begin is to aspire to talk to yourself with careful consideration and respect, because to learn yourself deeply you need to have an effective open dialog. Like learning anything, this takes some practice, but can you think of anything else more worthy to work towards than a life that is finally a good fit for you?
Words are powerful, especially the ones we say to ourselves. I have heard the brightest people say negative things out loud about themselves. I can only imagine the kind of verbal beating they give themselves when they are alone. This negative self-talk can keep them from experiencing a perfect for them life, because putting themselves down is not only counterproductive to their happiness goals, it’s damaging to their Self-Esteem—which heavily influences their choices and decisions.
The point is that improving the way you talk about yourself elevates your Self-Esteem, which goes a long way towards enjoying your best feeling life. This Self-Compassion skill is especially valuable if some, or all, of your life feels ill suited to you. This sounds simple, but as with all things human, very little is as simple as it sounds. Because this is the point in our human experience where we are vulnerable to those who want to make money off of us.
Companies promise to make your life better by elevating your status, which is meant to elevate your Self-View. In other words, they are saying that you will feel better about yourself after you purchase what they are offering. The problem is that this joy of new does not last long, and it leaves you still stuck with the same Self-Worth issues that caused you to spend the money in the first place. This can become problematic as can be seen when having too many possessions overtake people’s lives, and wind up owning them instead of the other way around.
You can’t buy yourself into good Self-Respect and Regard, which are needed to know what A Life That Finally Fits looks like. However, speaking to yourself kindly, with your own best interests at heart, works because we are subconsciously fine tuned into intent. Whether it is from what we see, or feel, or hear, we naturally respond better to kindness than we do to bullying, it’s a much more effective way of communicating. Since bullying triggers Shame Reactions within us, the last thing that you want is to have this Master Emotion negatively influencing your life.
To give yourself the best chance to improve the way your experience of life feels, take negativity out of what you say to yourself. Give your core self a better opportunity to let your conscious mind know it and what it needs. If this seems daunting to you because you don’t have time to learn how to better relate to yourself, remember this:
You decide what to focus your attention on. You decide what is worth your time, and what is not. A Perfect For You Life can only happen when you focus on what your true nature needs.
When you realize that influences from outside of you are determining what you do in your life, it becomes easier to take back some of your precious time to devote to your enduring health, happiness, and well-being. When you decide that you are worth the conscious effort it takes to finally get a good fitting life, shifting time over to Project Me becomes possible.
Improve your Emotional Maturity by upgrading your personal lexicon. Be mindful of the words you use and what you say about yourself. Our species tends to believe the stories we tell ourselves, so tell yourself better stories. To help you, or someone you care about, to focus on a better story you can get a tee-shirt or hoodie that says, “Transitioning From Damsel, or Dude, In Distress to Hero” from our website: https://wisen-up.com/collections/wisen-up-collection/products/wisen-up-transitioning-from-damsel-in-distress-to-hero-100-cotton-sizes-small-to-5xl-12-colors-all-19-96
No one is more responsible for how you experience your very finite existence, because only you know how it feels. Use your innate power to find what is best for your core self and get a life that feels Perfect For You.
May you be wise, Anna Elena Berlin